


Before I Ever Thought To

by anotetofollow



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Dragon Age: Inquisition Quest - In Hushed Whispers, F/F, Falling In Love, Inquisitor!Lavellan, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition Quest - In Hushed Whispers, Relationship Advice, Self-Doubt, Temporary Character Death, Time Travel, companion!adaar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:37:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24970150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotetofollow/pseuds/anotetofollow
Summary: When Tevi confesses that she has doubts about Sera's feelings, Tanith discloses a secret from the future.For a very very horrible angst exchange with @southwarden, set in our Inquisitor!Lavellan-Companion!Adaar crossover AU
Relationships: Female Adaar/Sera, Female Inquisitor/Sera
Kudos: 7





	Before I Ever Thought To

**Author's Note:**

  * For [southwarden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/southwarden/gifts).



> I felt you in my life  
> Before I ever thought to  
> I need to lay down  
> Beside you and tell you  
> I feel you in my heart  
> And I don't even know you ([x](https://open.spotify.com/track/4HOm1XUwnHwaGEQRsPCsbx))

Tanith pushed open the door to the Herald’s Rest, the familiar sounds of chatter and the quiet plucking of lute strings making her feel more relaxed than she had all day. Josephine had snared her early that morning to go over a seemingly endless series of treaties and trade agreements, and despite Tanith’s insistence that the ambassador would be better off making these decisions alone she had, predictably, been drawn into several discussions over the best use of the Inquisition’s resources. Now that this bureaucratic scuffle was over Tanith was keen to make the most of her free afternoon, sheltering from the light rain in the warmth of the tavern.

As she waited for Cabot to pour her drink she spotted Tevi sitting alone at a corner table, her tankard sitting full and ignored beside her. The mercenary looked a little out of sorts, her broad shoulders slouched low and the skin under her eyes darker than usual. When she had her own drink in hand Tanith went to pull up a chair at her table.

“Mind if I join you?” she asked.

Tevi looked up as though startled, blinking hard. “Sure,” she said. “Sorry. Was in a world of my own.”

“It looked like it.” Tanith sat down and took a drink, savouring the taste of citrus against her tongue. “Is everything alright? You seem a bit…” she waved her hand “...down.”

Tevi sighed, pushing her hair back between her horns. “I’m fine,” she said. “Seriously. It’s nothing. It’s silly.” Her cheeks coloured a little as she spoke, the pale grey skin turning flushed.

“Yes, it looks like nothing,” Tanith smiled. “A convincing performance.”

“Look, it’s just…” Tevi trailed off, making a helpless gesture. “It’s a personal thing, alright? I’m sure you’ve got better things to do than talk about my love life.”

“Ah.” Tanith arched an eyebrow at her. “So this is about Sera, then?”

“What?” The mercenary looked startled. “How did you—”

“Because I’ve got eyes,” Tanith said. “Also, for the record, I have absolutely nothing better to do. So, tell me what’s happening. Not sure how much use I’ll be though.” She smiled ruefully. “It’s not like I’m a pillar of success when it comes to romance.”

“Still nothing?” Tevi asked sympathetically.

“Still nothing,” Tanith sighed. “But we’re talking about you now. What’s happening with Sera?”

Tevi leaned back in her chair. “I don’t know,” she said. “It feels like _something’s_ happening. We’ve been spending more time together since we got to Skyhold. It’s… good. It’s really good.”

“Well, I see what you mean,” Tanith said. “This truly sounds like a terrible problem.”

The mercenary gave a rough chuckle. “Yeah, now that I’m saying it out loud it doesn’t sound like much, huh?”

“So what’s the issue?”

“I don’t know.” Tevi frowned, lines creasing her forehead. “I think she likes me. I think. But I’ve been wrong before, you know? And even if she does, I don’t know whether she likes me like that or like _that_. I mean if she did like me like _that_ it would be fine, obviously. But I’d like to know. In advance. If she likes me like, you know, likes me, then that’s a whole other thing. Or I could be wrong, and she doesn’t like me at all…” she trailed off. “I’m babbling, aren’t I?”

“Yes, but there’s nothing wrong with that,” Tanith said. “What makes you think she’s not interested, if you’ve been spending all this time together? I’ve seen her, Tevi, she flirts with you. You’re not imagining that part.”

“She’s just being friendly, probably.”

“I say that I’m _just being friendly_ when I’m lying about flirting with people. No one’s that friendly, Tevi.”

“Well… what now, then?” The mercenary spread her muscled arms. “Flirting or not, I just can’t imagine her wanting more than that. Not her. Not with me. It just doesn’t make sense, you know?”

“Why not?”

“Because people like Sera don’t fall in love with people like me,” Tevi said. Her tone was entirely firm, utterly resigned. This wasn’t an attempt to fish for compliments or reassurance. She truly believed what she was saying.

Tanith shifted in her seat a little as a thought occurred to her. The taste of bile filled her throat and she swallowed it down, washing it back with a mouthful of ale. She took a slow breath, steeling herself for what was to come.

“Tevi,” she said. “There’s something I should tell you.”

“Oh?” The qunari’s tone was light, but there was concern in her eyes. “Do I need to panic?”

Tanith shook her head. “No. It’s nothing… well, no. It is bad. But it’s not— shit, I’m making a mess of this.” She dragged a hand through her curls, trying to find the right words. “Did Dorian ever tell you what happened in Redcliffe, when we went forward in time?”

“Bits and pieces,” Tevi said, looking genuinely worried now. “I know that demons had overrun Thedas. I know that we were there, that we were… different. Honestly, I never wanted to ask too much about it. You were kind of hollow-eyed for a while when you got back.”

“Yeah.” Tanith rubbed at her forearms, trying to ignore the crawling sensation under her skin. “By the time Dorian and I arrived you’d been in the cells at Redcliffe for a year. The red lyrium had messed you up pretty badly.”

Tevi shuddered. “Well that’s horrifying.”

“I promise there’s a point to this,” Tanith said quickly. “I just need you to understand what it was like.”

“Alright. What happened then?”

“You and Sera were in adjoining cells,” Tanith said. “When I got there, when we freed you, the two of you were… together.”

Tevi went very still. “What do you mean ‘together’?”

“I don’t know how else to describe it,” Tanith shrugged. “We got her out of her cell first. Thought you might tear the bars of yours clean out trying to get to her. It was obvious, seeing the two of you.”

“I still don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me, Tan.”

Tanith knew that there was more she could be saying, that there were ways to explain it better, but doing that would mean delving into the horrors of that place. She remembered the future Redcliffe as one might remember a dream, all in fragments, hazy and unsettling. Tevi, half-feral, her knuckles bloody and shoulders bruised, horns scraped away to almost nothing. Sera, small and shaking, the way she had clung to Tevi’s hand as they made their way through the ruined castle. Blackwall— no. She didn’t think about that.

There had been a small hole in the wall between Tevi and Sera’s cells, large enough to speak through, and the moment they were freed they had fallen on each other, arms clutching, red eyes wet with tears. They stood ankle-deep in brackish water, kissed fiercely, desperately. Tanith could tell Tevi all this in so many words, but she didn’t think it would do much good. There was only one way to explain it, really.

“You loved each other,” Tanith said, meeting the mercenary’s eyes. “You were _in love_ with each other. I saw it, Tevi, clear as day.”

Tevi leaned back in her chair, letting out a long breath. “That’s… a lot to take in.”

“I know,” Tanith said.

“And you’re sure?” she frowned. “That wasn’t some time-magic illusion or something?”

“I’m certain. What happened there, it was all real. Far too real, sometimes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Tevi asked. Her tone was curious rather than accusatory.

“You’d known each other what, a month?” Tanith said. “Felt like it might be awkward if I turned around and said ‘hey, just so you know, when I went forward in time and the world was ending, you two were a couple!’”

“Fair point,” Tevi said. “What happened after?”

Tanith chewed at her lip. This wasn’t a part that she wanted to think about, let alone describe. After they had defeated Alexius the demons had come, battering at the castle doors, their screams shaking the very foundations of the world. Tevi had fallen on her knees in front of Sera, weeping, arms encircling her waist, begging her to stay behind where it was safe. Sera had gripped Tevi’s shoulders with more ferocity than Tanith had ever seen, refusing to leave her, telling her that if they died, they died together.

In the end Sera’s will had won out, and the two of them had gone to face the demons side-by-side. As Dorian was channelling the spell to send them back to the present Tanith heard a cry that had torn at her heart, a sound of such anguish that it could only mean one thing. Whether it came from Sera or Tevi she couldn’t be entirely certain. She had turned to look over her shoulder just before they stepped through the portal — stupid, stupid, should never have done it — had seen their broken bodies on the flagstones, still touching even in death.

“Doesn’t matter,” Tanith said. “I’ve told you the important part. The rest is just details.”

Tevi considered this for a moment. “It doesn’t mean anything though, does it?” she said. “Things can be circumstantial. And those were pretty crazy circumstances. It doesn’t mean that we’ll fall in love when the world _isn’t_ ending, does it?”

“I can’t predict that any more than you can,” Tanith said. “But my point is, you said _people like Sera don’t fall in love with people like me_. I’m telling you that’s not the case. She _did_ fall in love with you, Tevi. It’s not some impossible dream, you know.”

Tevi smiled a little to herself, looking down at the table. “It feels like it, sometimes.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tanith said. “What does Sera like? She likes people who aren’t full of bullshit, people who care, people who look out for other people. And, as she has not been shy to disclose, she _really_ likes big qunari women. I really don’t know what you’re worried about. As far as I can tell you’re basically perfect for her.”

The mercenary flushed more obviously then, her mouth working furiously, expression cycling through embarrassed, uncertain, delighted. “You’re just saying that.”

“I’m not,” Tanith laughed. “Creators, Tevi, you need to go a little easy on yourself. If you spend all your time telling yourself something isn't going to happen you might miss it when it does.”

“That’s… annoyingly good advice, actually,” Tevi said, scratching behind one of her horns. “Shit. This is a lot to think about. We really fell in love in the creepy red lyrium dungeon?”

“You really did,” Tanith said. “Falling in love here should be a breeze.”

They sat and drank a while longer, talking of lighter things, making plans for upcoming expeditions and sharing the odd bit of gossip. It made Tanith a little sad to see how resistant Tevi had been to the mere _idea_ of Sera being interested in her, especially when it was obvious to just about everyone else that Sera was. Tanith hoped that the two of them would have the chance to forge that bond again, under better circumstances.

Once the memories of Redcliffe were in her mind Tanith couldn’t shake them. She said goodbye to Tevi and walked up to Skyhold through the mist of rain, trying to keep the beating of her heart under control as she remembered. Tevi’s rusted sword splintering, her throwing it to the ground and tearing apart the Venatori with her bare hands. Sera’s gritted teeth as she faced down Alexius, the blood that ran from the corner of her mouth.

For all of that, it had been the sight of the two of them together that had kept Tanith going during that awful day. It was like seeing a flower growing in the wreckage of a burned-out building, a single beautiful thing in the darkness. When the fear had threatened to overwhelm her she had looked to them, hearing the gentleness in Tevi’s voice as she reassured Sera, seeing the vicious devotion in Sera’s face. If they could endure a year in this place and still find hope, Tanith had told herself, then she could last a few hours.

She had chosen not to tell Tevi this part. There were things that she and Sera would need to discover for themselves, gradually, carefully, about who they were together. It was not her place to spoil that surprise for them. But still, she looked forward to seeing it.


End file.
